Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
