We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
