I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
