Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
