My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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