Your mouth is God's brothel.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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