She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
