I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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