I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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