The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
