On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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