He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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