i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
did i just pee glitter
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
