I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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