Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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