maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
