I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
