my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
