I'm eating all of the evidence.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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