No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
