I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
