Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
