sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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