Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
