no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
