Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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