I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
