I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
