FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
