I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i dont even know how to be here
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
