its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
