So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
