she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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