party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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