it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
