im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
