when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
