She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i was born a porn star she said
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
