I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
