Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
