i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my being single is dangerous.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
