My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
