wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
