Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
