We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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