Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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