come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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