I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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