Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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