I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
