you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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