This is not my ceiling
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
