I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
