I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
