I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
