First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i drank out of a bidet.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
