Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
