The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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