I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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