Farmville is her only friend.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
