Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
