Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
