I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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