her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
