It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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