so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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