you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
