Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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